Wednesday, December 31, 2008

same as it ever was...a 2008 retrospective

It is time for another annual retrospective...
January...Did very little actual work at my boring, boring, boring job. Applied for about 80 jobs and realized I needed desperately to go back to school. Applied to grad school.
February...Turned 29. Had kind of an anticlimactic birthday...the countdown to 30 officially began. Went on a wonderful cruise with my mom.
March...Continued to do very little actual work at my boring, boring, boring job. Did a lot of work getting ready for New Orleans. Realized how much work I did for free. Broke up with Tony and was sad about that fact. Tried to get over it. Decided that perhaps painting my living room would make it better. It kind of did.
April...Went to New Orleans for the 10th anniversary of VDay and had an amazing, wonderful, soul stirring time. Kerry Washington came to my party in the French Quarter, rode in the car with Kerry and Rosario Dawson.
May...I'm not really sure what I did in May. Perhaps I recovered from April?
June...Got into grad school. Wasn't sure if I was ready to make the leap to start grad school and leave behind my illustrious life of working at my boring job and applying for jobs I wasn't getting. Spent the summer hanging out with my brother.
July...Got my pink slip from my boring, boring, boring job and wasn't quite sure what to do about that except, well, paint my kitchen, go to grad school and suck it up until then. Decided to let myself be more excited than scared about that. Miraculously got my new job, which wonder upon wonders, got to work full time until school started. Adopted the cutest doggie ever named Mrs. Robinson. Named her Ginger and then decided that was totally the wrong name. Named her Penny Lane and it was perfect. Let Penny keep her maiden name.
August...Got incredibly intoxicated and went skinny dipping in some random apartment complex pool and cursed out my friends for not driving me home after sleeping on a lounge chair until 6 AM. Decided that I was too old for such tomfoolery.
September...Started graduate school and began several months of all work, very little play for Nikki. Worked, worked, worked, slept, worked. Laura moved out, Katie moved in. Had Laura and Oscar separation anxiety.
October...Jeannie got married and I wore the apple bottom jeans and the boots with the fur for Halloween. Didn't have a Halloween party for the first time in a long time due to lack of time and funds, and didn't really miss it that much. Was much happier hanging out with everyone in Nashville.
November...Swimming Upstream premiered and it truly amazingly wonderful. Met Claire Huxtable and Whitley Gilbert. Eve Ensler told me she "woke up with your face burning in my heart." Got all A's in my classes and had a gigantic event for work. Finally got a break from all that school and work. Went to Tennessee for the first time in three years for Thanksgiving. Was really glad to not have to cook for several days straight.
December...Worked part time and did a whole lot of nothing the rest of the time. Went to see Madonna with Jill which was immensely bad ass. Watched a lot of movies and made a lot of Christmas cards. Enjoyed a very low key Christmas with the family.

the one where they all turn 30

My blogging is sparse these days, but honestly, it hasn't been all that eventful around these parts. Christmas this year was low key, just the nuclear family - Mom, Dad, and John - and lasagna. A few days before Christmas, John and I discovered Photo Booth on his Mac Book, and we had quite a bit of fun (as you can see) with our distorted Christmas photos. My mom had them printed on a photo Christmas card and sent them to the family. And now, we are on the eve of 2009. It's a quiet day at the office, and I'm counting down to 3:00 PM when I can leave. With the dawning of the new year, I will also begin counting down to my 30th birthday, which is February 15. I didn't think I would be one of those people who freaks out on their 30th birthday, but it has been looming ominously in the distance, creeping ever closer and the days tick by. It's just a number, and I realize that thirty isn't OLD, per say. But it is a milestone, and one of those birthdays I think that makes you ponder where you've been, where you are, where you would like to be, where you thought you would be at thirty...
I'm not sure where I thought I would be. I had a bit of a freak out after I graduated from college when the realities of life post meal plan set in. Instead of all of our benchmarks happening at the same intervals (drivers license at 16, high school graduation at 18, off to school, out into the world at 22) the timetables were all different for everyone. So I decided to throw mine out of the window. I have friends who have 3 year plans, 5 year plans, 10 year plans, but I have been more comfortable letting life unfold as it does, taking the next step when it feels natural, instead of saying I had to be a certain place at a certain time. This has worked pretty well for me, and it has alleviated a lot of my performance anxiety, if you will. So, why is it, as 30 inches closer, that I feel so unnerved?
I keep thinking about that episode of Friends when Rachel turns 30 and she realizes that she has less time than she thought she did. She wants to have a baby by 36, so that means she has to be pregnant by 34. She wants to be married three years before she has a baby, so she has to be married at 31, but she wants to be engaged for a year before she gets married....so she needs to be dating the person she wants to marry...right then. All of a sudden, before you know it, the time has just slipped by. I was talking to Eric about turning 30, as he is two years older than me, and he said he didn't really worry about 30 because he felt like it just meant he had ten more years until he was 40, and the clock just kind of reset. I think its different for women because of the childbearing thing. The hard, disturbing truth of the matter is that the eggs just aren't always fresh. So, at almost 30, we feel like 35, that magical age where your eggs are supposedly and suddenly going bad, is just around the corner. It's really bizarre. So, out of the blue, I'm bordering on spinsterdom.
Le sigh. It's all a bit much, and it's a bit dramatic of me, too, I realize. I'm not doing so bad for 29...almost 30. I'll have a masters degree by the end of the year, I directed a play with Jane Fonda in it. That's pretty good. But there's so much more I wish I had. I guess that's always the way it is, the grass is greener, there's still more to be done. And perhaps I should be glad that its not all over and done with, that I haven't checked it all off the list and am twiddling my thumbs with nothing left to do. I suppose it means that all of these things that I'm waiting for are still out there for me to find. 30 isn't the end of the road, of course. But for me, it feels like a clock that was never ticking, a timeline that never existed, has just been imposed on me out of the blue. Le sigh all over again.

Wednesday, December 3, 2008

you're frequently dazzling, edward cullen

Ok, I'm over denying it. My secret is out, and it wasn't a secret for long. I am completely obses....um...enthralled with the Twilight books. I blame Amanda. I have also decided, along with most every thirteen year old girl, that Edward Cullen is quite possibly the most perfect man alive. Um...dead. Undead? Anyways, he's super duper delish either way, and I don't care what anyone says. The books are fantabulous. I'm on a bit of a vacay and I have read the first two in the past week and a half. I went to see the movie within an hour of finishing the first book. Crazy? Perhaps. OK, so this vampire is seventeen, but who's counting? Here's the thing - he's the next Jordan Catalano, only less non-commital. He's mysterious, brooding, untouchable, dangerous, but he totally wants to love Bella more than he wants to drink her blood. It's simple, but it's a reciple for total teenage awesomeness. I might be in love with him. It might be illegal, whatev.