overheard at the roller derby

"You're going to want to wear something under that so you don't get fish net burn."

I truly overheard this, and many other fascinating asides, at the opening "free skate " for the recruiting season for the Atlanta Rollergirls. I went to my first bout two weeks ago, and even though I clearly do not have the requisite number of visible tattoos for this sport, I'm going to give it a go. I had secretly been stalking the try out dates on their website, so when my friend Laura, who has been doing derby for four years, nudged me a little bit in the direction of the free skate, I was there.

When Laura and I arrived at the Stone Mountain skating rink at 9:00 am on a Saturday morning, the only people who were there were a bunch of little kids learning to jam skate, which is like dancing to R&B music on skates. (P.S. This looks amazing when they do it, sort of like moon walking, but I have no idea how it is humanly possible.) Mariah Carey's sweet vocals were lingering in the air, and Laura started unpacking her gear. Helmets, elbow pads, wrist guards, knee pads. The one thing we did not have to use that day was a mouth guard. I laced up my skates and filled out my waiver and sent one up to JC. "Hey, there, God, I know you have better things to do, but could you protect my legs, skull, and ankles, and maybe could ya let me not be the worst skater out there so I don't look like an asshole? Thanks. Love you!"

What I learned first was that derby girls refer to one another by their derby names almost exclusively. Laura's derby name is Machu Beatchu, and I was introduced to some other lovely ladies that day - Sissy Splayseck, Hot Legs, Slam Adams, Demi Gore, Wheelin' Jennings, Spazz Attaque, Pretty Vicious, etc., etc. I am fascinated by these derby names. I have to say, there are a lot of things that excite me about the derby - the athletecism, the theatrics, the competition, the tongue-in-cheek humor of it all, the costumes (of course, hello?!? you get to skate in a skirt), but the names, and maybe this is the writer in me, particularly intrigue me. Admittedly, I have since been reading the international roster of all registered rollergirls. I have been brainstorming my own names. No, I will not share them openly. Yes, some of them are terrible. And some of them are quite clever.

I did not end up being the biggest asshole on the rink. There was, sadly, one girl who was clearly the biggest asshole on the rink, but all the girls were very sweet to her and helped her out the whole time. I am pleased to report that I didn't break any bones. I realize it had been probably fifteen years since I laced up skates. We played Duck Duck Goose and Limbo, I only fell once or twice, and I wasn't embarrassed to admit that I couldn't make myself stop. I was relieved that there was no slamming, blocking, pushing, or forced falling on this first encounter, although I am sort of looking forward to all of that. What I love about all of this is that derby seems to me to be a place where girls can be girls, but also be pretty bad ass at the same time.